Lately, I'm finding that large social gatherings are tough. It's probably expected that a bereaved person feel this way, but now I know why (at least for me).
There is some unwritten rule -- either in my head or in society -- that when in large gatherings you act normal. That means talking about things like work, hobbies and acting happy. But that makes me sad because it doesn't acknowledge the hugeness of losing Tommy. It makes me uncomfortable when I say (either aloud or implicitly) "Yep, everything is fine."
There is another unwritten rule -- either in my head or in society -- that one-on-one you're allowed to tell the truth. You can say that things are not ok. You can be quiet. And that brings me peace.
You are right. One feels, rightly or wrongly so, that one should put on the brave face when among larger groups or meeting the general public. It's what your head sort of tells you, though in my experience people always say that of course you can let them know that no, you are not fine. But somehow one feels that would not be socially appropriate. :/
ReplyDeleteHope you are both managing OK and getting rest at night. xxx
I don't even find that I'm making an effort to be socially appropriate; it happens naturally. Guess that is the result of years of societal brainwashing!
DeleteThanks for thinking of us Steph...best to you as well.