One very good friend recently passed us a note on the blog. He is also a parent and we were just touched by his beautiful words. What really impressed us the most is that he was able to express exactly how we have been feeling lately. In fact, we don't think that we would have been able to write as well as he did, so this is what we would like to share today. (In case you want to read it in Portuguese, click HERE. It's the 4th comment on the page.)
"When we meet our significant other and get married, life before marriage feels so distant that we feel like we were already married before we were even born. Then our children are born and we try to remember how our life was before them. A life with no crying, diapers, bottles, no rush, tiredness and most importantly without the unconditional love that rips our hearts out every time our child has a fever. It’s the same love that fills our hearts with joy when we see our children taking tiny, hurried, teetering steps towards us to give us a big hug when we get home from work. At that point, life before their existence feels secondary, even meaningless. Our children become the center of the universe. And then when a vacuum suddenly replaces the sun that used to bring us joy, the sun we used to orbit, we are left without a point of reference, we are lost.
At first, it feels like the pain of loss will never pass, but I believe that time will ease the pain. Not because the love or the memories of Tommy will fade away; on the contrary, they will always be very alive. I believe that when you think of him in the future your sadness will be replaced by good memories and the joy and honor of spending time with him during his brief journey."
Beautiful words...very eloquently put. And so so true. And when it is your first and only child you lose, you are left with so many hours in the day that were previously filled with a million things to do, to not knowing how to fill them. That, I found hard. I think that is part of why we try to keep busy then. All this time and not being sure what to do with it because all the things you did before you had your child seem less meaningful now, too. xxx Steph
ReplyDeleteThanks Steph. We have been feeling exactly that way you describe. We have free time, but somehow filling it with the things we used to do feels empty, even wrong. And we noticed that things are starting to feel "heavier" as we are approaching the 3 month anniversary. It feels like reality is starting to set in. Hope you guys are well. hugs, Troy & Milka
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